In. My. Soul.
Do you understand?!
So the weekdays victory I wrote about the other night has given way to a not-so-victorious weekend.
To be blunt, I feel like shit. I’m STARVING. I’m depressed. My stomach is not feeling so hot. The protein shakes and broth are not cutting it anymore. And don’t even get me started on the lettuce.
Not sure if it’s just my body getting accustomed to the “food” and deciding it’s not enough or if it’s the lack of structure with it being the weekend and not having work to distract me.
I got on the scale on Saturday and it hasn’t moved which is disheartening given the fact that I’m only getting, at maximum, and I’m being super generous with this number, 900 calories a day.
Pretty much all of the anxiety I have about the surgery is gone and I just want it done NOW. At least my diet afterwards will not be nearly as restrictive as it is now.
I did a lot of cleaning and stuff yesterday in an effort to occupy my mind. I didn’t want to do too much and risk not having anything to do later this week. I’m starting to think taking this week off of work was a mistake. It’s quite a phenomenon that when I’m at work, I want nothing more than to be home and when I’m at home too long, I crave the structure and chaos of work. The grass is always greener, right?
I knew going into this that it wouldn’t be all puppies and unicorns but I figured that would happen after the surgery, not before. Everyone who has had the surgery said the pre-op diet is by far the worst part of the entire experience so I’m holding out hope that this is the worst of it.
I feel like I need to get up and go out and do something to get me out of this funk and then I realize going anywhere and doing anything involves two things I don’t/can’t have: money and food. So back to square one…
Sorry for the pity party I’m throwing myself. I’ll try to snap out of it soon.
Operation: Me 
Stay strong. You’re so close. Cheering you on! 🙌🏼
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Thanks Liz!!
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