Not only has January been the LONGEST month in history (like seriously, it’s spanned the time of at least three months), the last 9ish days have been the longest ever as well.
I am 9 days post-op and feeling pretty…..miserable. I’m not even going to lie. Physically, I’m okay; great even. The pain from surgery is pretty much gone. But everything else that goes along with this process is pretty much awful.
The surgery went wonderfully. To be honest, I don’t remember much of anything from the hospital thanks to the anesthesia and pain meds. I do know that the pain was minimal, the nurses were awesome, and the support from my friends and family was second to none. The calls, texts, visits, and flowers were amazing. Odds are if you visited or we talked on the phone or texted at all on Tues, Wed, or Thurs of last week, I do not remember it very well, but I thank you all the same!
Wednesday after discharging from the hospital, I came home and went right to sleep. Basically slept until 5pm on Thursday. The anesthesia kicked my ass! I’m happy to say that I did not take any pain meds after leaving the hospital Wednesday and every day the pain, which wasn’t bad to begin with, has lessened and lessened and is nearly non-existent at this point.
I’ve had a few pretty rough days. An unfortunate and uncommon side effect of general anesthesia is having a horrible taste and/or smell and it is AWFUL. Hands down the worst part of this entire process so far. It’s almost gone, thankfully, but wooooo boy did it cause some problems. It made the protein drinks (my only source of protein and calories at this point in my post-op) to taste absolutely disgusting and I couldn’t even stomach them. I was getting some broth in but again, it didn’t taste great and there’s not a lot of protein in that so it wasn’t helping much to keep me full.
And that’s another thing. The surgeon told me this surgery was so wonderful because it completely removes the feelings of hunger. Well that was a lie. This past Sunday, I started getting the dreaded “hangry” feeling. Which I suppose is fine when you can satisfy that hunger. But when you’re basically only tolerating water and sugar-free popsicles, it can be a real bear! A friend of mine who had the surgery a few years ago said she too had the hungry feeling. I guess it just happens in some people. The first few days after surgery when I had no conscious feeling of my stomach whatsoever, I had what they call “head hunger”, meaning that because I wasn’t eating, my head was telling me I was hungry even though I physically was not. It was a much simpler time 😉
I’ve had my 1-week post-op with both the weight loss doc and nutritionist and the surgeon. Everything is on track and they’re surprised at how well I’m doing physically. I got scolded by the nutritionist for losing too much weight and not taking in enough calories (I was barely getting 150cal daily). And for someone who has been told they’re overweight and eating too much for most of their life, that can be a really confusing thing to hear and I didn’t handle it well.
As of Monday this week, I was down 24lbs since I began my pre-op diet at the beginning of January. After “getting in trouble” with my nutritionist on Tuesday and making more of an effort to consume protein and calories, I’ve gained 3lbs back. I know I can’t let that deter me because some days will be like that. I’m really noticing, more than the weight, the inches and how things feel and fit. I can definitely tell in my legs and face. A little bit in my arms. Some in my chest and butt. It does not feel like anything is going down in my stomach region, but the surgeon said it could still be a bit puffy from surgery. He also said I need to start exercising ASAP.
It’s been hard to do anything but lay in bed because I feel so shitty emotionally and mentally. When I say that I’ve been miserable, it’s not an exaggeration. I have moments where I feel good and hopeful and normal, but most of the last week or so has been spent crying, questioning this decision, withdrawing from people, and wondering if I’m ever going to feel normal again. In a matter of days, I let go of literally all of my vices. Food, cigarettes, and caffeine. I feel like I’m mourning the person I used to be and it doesn’t feel good at all.
I also think a lack of structure is playing a huge role in my misery as well. While the idea of not being at work for 6 weeks sounds appealing, not having the day to day schedule to keep me occupied is driving me crazy. I have a feeling I will be going back to work sooner than I planned.
For now, I’m going to focus on getting my calories and protein in and starting an exercise regimen. I’m also going to work on getting out of the house more as I definitely think it lifts my spirits.
Again, thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the amazing support. I have no idea where I’d be without all of the wonderful support of my friends and family!!
Operation: Me 